Updated: Oct 18
The hardest thing in a mother's life is to watch your child suffer, until now.
I'm not sure who is suffering worse, me or my daughter. The anger, rage and blame.
Guilty feelings, utter loss of hope.
So Cloe is almost 14 now and she has had her ileostomy for almost 2 years now, although dealing with pouch changes, wardrobe malfunctions and cloths that she thinks looks good on her has become somewhat bearable the anxiety, depression and self esteem mixed with teenage hormones has me feeling lost and hopeless.
I don't understand anything, and maybe I don't. I find myself feeling just as much despair as she does. What are the right words to say? Everything I say or do is completely wrong. So I reach out, get advise and try a new tactic.
Failure.. Her desire to be whole is overwhelming for her, to see her sister come and go, swim, ride bikes, skate board ect.. all the things I have to consider before the ultimate NO comes out. Short Stature, Osteoporosis, Ileostomy and Mucus Fistula are the things I must consider. After 5 broken bones with her UC/Crohns condition NO has become the normal.
And with that so has the hatred towards me, where did I go wrong? How do I make it right?
Well here is what I know for fact.
1. I said and treated my own mother in similar ways at this age and I didnt have any of the conditions Cloe has.
2. After much research I have found that teens go through this moody stage and hate everybody at one point or another and moms are usually the target.
3. I love my mother today more than ever but I wasn't fully aware of how much she meant to me until I became a mother.
4. This too shall pass.
With that being said, don't give up. Being a parent of a teen with UC/Crohns is a very hard and unthankful job. It hurts, a lot but your the parent. Get them through this. I'm here for you, rooting you on. Your doing great, even when you feel like your not doing it right, your doing it the only way you know how and that's right. Breath, breath some more. Wipe your tears and give it your all. They love you, I promise.